Why Individuals May Not Like You

Everyone says I'm such an uncomfortable man! And I can't imagine why! – Gilbert and Sullivan, "If you give me your attention" lyrics

President Trump is baffled why people don't like him. "It can only be my personality," he guessed. Maybe. But maybe there is more to it than that.

I was wondering how many people feel similar. We want to be liked and respected, but no matter how hard we try, we feel isolated and amazed about why other people might not like us. Check if the following apply to you.

The move from clueless to clueless often begins with replacing addiction to blame, shame, or attacking others with the ability to boldly introspect and entertain the disgusting – but ultimately liberating – prospect that the cause may be within ourselves.

Here are three reasons why we might suppress the affection we desire.

1. Are you interested in people?

Wanting people to care for you and like you is a natural longing. But how interested are you in the well-being of others? If you get it – always looking for what you can get without a lot of bandwidth to notice what others need from you, it's no wonder people aren't interested in adding you to their circle of friends.

How often do you offer your undivided attention to others? Do you ask how they are doing, what is happening in their world, or what do they need to feel safe and happy? Or do you quickly talk about yourself and see how they could serve you?

Humans are not extensions of ourselves; They have an existence of their own that is separate from us. What you feel and want can be very different from what you feel and want.

2. How is your empathy?

When you hear about human suffering, do you see it as their problem and nothing to worry about? Do you think they are flawed or weak to face challenges and difficulties in life?

Can you tell when a person is hurt, afraid, or grieving? Do you know these feelings in yourself? Or have you tried all your life to create a life in which grief does not affect you?

Do you see uncomfortable emotions as an enemy – a threat to the image you are trying to project? Could you consider using a different type of strength – an emotional strength that widens your tolerance for uncomfortable feelings such as fear, pain, or embarrassment? This could make you a bigger person.

The way we deal with our own feelings determines how we react to others. For example, if we find embarrassment or shame unbearable, perhaps because we grew up too much of it, we may have learned to deal with it by having the impulse to attack people before we even noticed the shame that drives us. Angry outbursts could become our answer, protecting us from excruciating pain. By some strange psychological skill, we could unwittingly pass our shame on to others so that we don't have to feel it. But guess what? People will not like us when they feel ashamed.

If you find emotions disturbing, turn away from them – both within yourself and when others are showing them. It is difficult to like yourself if you fail to register people's feelings and respond with compassion.

One way forward is to pause long enough to relate to others in a non-judgmental, non-shameful way. But in order to do that, you need to develop empathy for your own emotional life. Emotions are not a weakness; They connect us together. Welcome to the human condition.

Everyone grows up with their fair share of loss, failure, and adversity. Try to be more sensitive to other people's struggles. This would require that you embrace your own difficult and uncomfortable feelings with a certain level of kindness, kindness, and acceptance. It doesn't mean something is wrong with you when you have normal human emotions. Embracing vulnerability makes you more human, potentially friendlier, and therefore more attractive to people.

3. Check your arrogance level

Are you pausing to let people react to your thoughts, views, and opinions, or are you skipping over other sensitivities? Can you see things from their point of view or do you quickly reject what does not harmonize with your already existing beliefs? Is it possible for them to see something that you are not?

Do you think you're always right What would it mean if it wasn't you? Are you strong enough to recognize that sometimes you are wrong and to be influenced by the opinions of others? Are you clinging to a rigidity that doesn't allow you to change your mind?

Arrogance is repulsive and designed to keep you isolated. Realizing that you could be wrong is the beginning of wisdom for many people. Humility is attractive.

Everyone wants to feel that their views, feelings, needs and humanity are important. If you can develop the resilience to focus your attention on others and appreciate their experience, you may find that people naturally tend to like you.

Experiment with finding a better balance between giving and receiving. Just like you want others to be heard. You want to be happy and connected. Listen carefully and think sincerely about what you hear. You may find that people love it just like you.

To be liked means to be kind, caring, and empathetic towards people, realizing that we all want the same things, and experiencing ourselves as part of the human condition rather than someone special or better than others.

The way to be liked by others is not mysterious. All great spiritual traditions teach us to love one another. Real spiritual leaders are loved because they loved us; They were kind, caring, and empathetic.

If we can reach deep inside and show even a small amount of caring, gentleness, and responsiveness to others, we will likely find that they appreciate and like us for it, even if we don't do it perfectly. The more we try to be perfect, the more people will ultimately see through our actions. When we take the risk to honor and display our imperfect selves, we may be pleasantly surprised at the human response we receive.

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